suck your thumb under your homeland security blanket when you're outside your comfort zone then give me a call to play some badass hackysack!

Once again, I have been court-ordered to cease activity. Hopefully I can get an injunction in a week and a half (with drawing #600). Bon voyage, and it's back to prison!

my geometric corpse couldn't take the barometric pressure

Rome wasn't built in a day, but you know what was? Minute rice.

That's when my dentist told me: my findings were unremarkable

hey chump phone home

I'm going to continue to stand by my theory that Spider-Man is unnecessary, because if he can only do what a spider can, he's highly redundant.

cocaine-laced texan robot, i hate you

pretty, pretty illiteracy

helen keller and the smoking brakes

buttering land mines for a seaside toast, figure it out

saying words

the british are coming (to my funeral)

granola in my pockets, gingerbread on my knee, got a cinnamon belt

ghosts are always telling me how much it sucks to be dead

the whatchamacallit factor

Can earthquakes be stopped by dropping dead whales down erupting volcanoes by helicopter, allowing their melted fat to lubricate tectonic plates?

herbal tornado

make it fake because there's far too many making it real

my mouth said to your mouth "watch your mouth," my mind thought "i have a mouth?"

you're never alone because you've always got your thoughts and they're not going anywhere or taking you there