Peoplica

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I guess sometimes it just feels like my house is not on Earth.

I breathe the air and recognize the atmospheric pressure, though it is just as if I am outside my own head. I am not sure where I am or who these people are. They all know my name. But it's just off.

No one ever understand when I try to communicate this sensation. The trees have talked to me once. A black candle is a powerful thing.

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I guess the hardest part of being James Bond's neighbor is when he asks me to take in his mail. I am pretty sure he doesn't work at the milk bottling plant.

I've seen him wear a tuxedo an awful lot, even when it is not courting season. On three separate occasions I have seen three separate ladies from foreign lands steal my newspaper early in the morning.

I don't mind bringing in the mail, or the newspaper thefts, or the noisy sex that renders me groggy enough to spy my paper being snatched away. I even get a vicarious thrill from it. It's the lying I can't stand. I just have a hunch that he's into some sort of international espionage. Some sort of intrigue even. But don't ask me to get your mail for three weeks and expect me to believe you're going to a Milk Man Expo in Brazil, with a layover in Moscow. I saw that postcard from a man calling himself "Q" (and why anyone would voluntarily be known as only a single letter of the alphabet, any why that letter, though that is a topic best left for another discussion). In passing I noticed he wrote that you are not to buckle your belt in the manner he discussed or grave danger may befall you. He also blabbered about something called the "Moonraker." Don't give me a line about some sort of advanced polymer rake to improve the milking fields!

Therefore, I shall continue to bring your mail in while you are away, and ignore the sizable collection of firearms that a milk bottler, or milk man, or whatever you are could need. I shall continue to ignore the blood stained dishes, and simply take solace in the fact that you will buy me a drink when you return from wherever you have been away to. Also I will keep stealing soaps from your bathroom. They are from hotels I have never heard from.