so this is it

To the observant, yes, I have been drawing most daily for a year now. Thank you for noticing. What a year it's been.

sometimes the panic button pushes you

this is easier than a restraining order

Not all draculas are necessarily wealthy. This is a stereotype from films...most draculas got to work to keep up their sizable mansions or apartments, or RVs. Draculas by their very nature can't work during the day, and the night shift is also impossible cuz they have to be home by sunrise. Many draculas have to work out of the home or coffins stuffing envelopes or earning their keep from other money making schemes. I donno if draculas are in grave danger -- no pun intended -- from a paper cut from envelopes, or if they bleed at all...but they work just like you and me.

Now if you wanna know why the wolfman is always accused of rape...

Figure it out circa 1992 / I JUST bought a brillo pad

verily like sara lee
i will eat crumb cake
and it better taste good

i don't like no coffee
tea is okay in a pinch

it stopped making sense in 1992

I got my chin up
I got my soul down
I keep my food down
I keep my chin up

-- He who could not be named though his mother tried

i'm kinda just waiting to eat dinner, at this point

I got a pint of blood
And a quart of of Pennzoil
I got a disposable camera
For my ocular lens
The atmosphere is making me tense
I can't finish my dinner
Please wrap it up
I'll take it home with me
It'll be sweet
And It'll be nice
Just come home with me tonight
Dinner, yeah I ate it
It was too much
Bag it up
I'll give it a good home

From Bill O'Reilly to Bilbo Braggins

I read encyclopedias
And fact the checks
I mean check the facts
I cash checks
I get real broke
And got my own bank account
Like a regular person
I ride the bus to work
Rarely if I can help it
I'm a train man
I wear deodorant
Like a regular person
I ain't braggin

people love the new yorker 13

this is not my tattoo

Why is there no extra-medium?

people love the new yorker 12

people love the new yorker 11

people love the new yorker 10

I'm here for the flashing text and graphic ads. Tell me where to spend my $$$ prontoburgers!

got lost got lost getting lost

But I AM a robot!

ain't nobody ever eat no dang cherry cobbler!

sick sick number 8

i got a list of things to do, screw 'em! this year in reverse was quicker.

that thing you think of when you think of that other thing

oh, you know

Peoplica

---------

I guess sometimes it just feels like my house is not on Earth.

I breathe the air and recognize the atmospheric pressure, though it is just as if I am outside my own head. I am not sure where I am or who these people are. They all know my name. But it's just off.

No one ever understand when I try to communicate this sensation. The trees have talked to me once. A black candle is a powerful thing.

---------

I guess the hardest part of being James Bond's neighbor is when he asks me to take in his mail. I am pretty sure he doesn't work at the milk bottling plant.

I've seen him wear a tuxedo an awful lot, even when it is not courting season. On three separate occasions I have seen three separate ladies from foreign lands steal my newspaper early in the morning.

I don't mind bringing in the mail, or the newspaper thefts, or the noisy sex that renders me groggy enough to spy my paper being snatched away. I even get a vicarious thrill from it. It's the lying I can't stand. I just have a hunch that he's into some sort of international espionage. Some sort of intrigue even. But don't ask me to get your mail for three weeks and expect me to believe you're going to a Milk Man Expo in Brazil, with a layover in Moscow. I saw that postcard from a man calling himself "Q" (and why anyone would voluntarily be known as only a single letter of the alphabet, any why that letter, though that is a topic best left for another discussion). In passing I noticed he wrote that you are not to buckle your belt in the manner he discussed or grave danger may befall you. He also blabbered about something called the "Moonraker." Don't give me a line about some sort of advanced polymer rake to improve the milking fields!

Therefore, I shall continue to bring your mail in while you are away, and ignore the sizable collection of firearms that a milk bottler, or milk man, or whatever you are could need. I shall continue to ignore the blood stained dishes, and simply take solace in the fact that you will buy me a drink when you return from wherever you have been away to. Also I will keep stealing soaps from your bathroom. They are from hotels I have never heard from.