P.S. I'm writing this letter with my toes

choclit, sex, and your prostate

get in your hidey hole and CHILLAX

so good to be out

g-dammit, i'm dropping f-darns over here!

rejected ideas

"I smoke pot with Pol Pot (out of a skull-shaped bong)"
"Hitler was history's first hipster (I liked Arcade Fire before anyone ever heard of them. Yes I called it Krstyalnacht, but so what?"
Another day another bellyache
(cue Zamboni)

"i'm going to smoke these drawings like potato salad"

here's a bald eagle being raped by a peace sign

Mother Russia this is good chili!

Salame = the temperature at which meat freezes

Nobody cares a sword anymore after 9/11

i think it's safe to say we all overestimated our importance

wearing the devil's wardrobe

the grass is always greedier

my dinner with andre 3000

i saw three kids on the street armed with live pythons
should i keep on?
i donno, did you hear me stutterin?
from the Vermont street corner to the ellipses marked nutrition center
I donno, which one dent'ya?

stroke my silohuette, bab-ee

Putting my money where my mouth is and then eating it because it's delicious

Constant didj

graveyard jams or cemetary preserves?

Either way, I'm pretty sure I just ate some haunted bread

he was pro-corpse-rights in a downright recession

back and to the left
inside baseball

Make the Lukeway commitment to flavor!

Here's what you get you when invest in the Lukeway(TM) commitment to flavor:
1. A really good friend for life.
2. I will personally be that really good friend for life.
3. The ability OR OPTION to have an ice-cream sandwich whenever you see fit.
3.b. Nobody will judge your decision on when to have an ice-cream sandwich. Lukeway respects your ability to be an adult and choose things like the timing of placing brown chocolate-like bread sandwiches into your gaping maw.
4. The alternative to trade in all your spare change for a brand-new sweater fresh from the dryer. When it's no longer warm, you can just throw it away! The options are mind-boggling!
5. Have a real-life koala bear live with you. He won't pay rent, but he sure is cute. Aww.
6. You suddenly will have an opinion on R&B music and all other genres you never even considered as important or of interest. YES THIS INCLUDES REGGAE, YOU SAVVY DINGLEBERRY.
7. Crinkly bacon broken over your eyes while you sleep. Some believe this unlocks your special "waking" powers for when you wake up. Also, in all your dreams, you'll be a millionaire.
8. Singing in the rain will actually make umbrellas appear in both your hands. Why sing in the rain when you can sing indoors, by your radio?
9. An instant high-five whenever you want it. See that previous one about being an adult. Reward yourself when you know you want it. Not when the government fat-cats think you're ready. Laissez-faire on the flip side OR down low! YOU decide.

last night i dreamed my teeth were too big for my mouth and they hurt

how did i ever pass the time before i

how do you feel about an environmentally safe hair-do?

change is easy
but keeping things the same is hard