There was no Christmas

There was no Christmas tree in the Bible.

There was no slashing of prices in the Bible.

There was no tinsel in the Bible.

There was no aerosol snow in the Bible.

There were no stockings or fireplaces in the Bible.

There was no Yule log in the Bible.

There was no fruitcake in the Bible.

There was no figgy pudding in the Bible.

There was no man made of snow in the Bible.

There was no weeping tunnel, no crying viaducts, nor emotionally disturbed passageways in the Bible.

There was no mistletoe in the Bible, but rather a series of awesome fauna (some even talked!).

There was no Santa Claus in the Bible.

There were no “Secret Santas” in the Bible.

There were no department stores in operation year round counting on the Christmas season to get into the black in the Bible.

There certainly were no overweight men masquerading as magical bearded ones in red suits with white trim, listening patiently to minors demands for overpriced toys.

There was no Christmas goose in the Bible; but there were doves, chickens, eagles, ravens, peacocks, hawks, owls, quails, bitterns, cormorants, cranes, crows, cuckoos, falcons, gledes, herons, hoopoes, kites, lapwings, nighthakws, ospreys, ossifrages, ostriches, partridges, pelicans, pigeons, sparrows, storks, swallows, swans, turtledoves, and vultures. (This tradition was probably started by Charles Dickens in A Christmas Carol, as a method to employ more words than were necessary to further the narrative. ie, An old man wakes from an ether induced vision including three separate apparitions, not knowing which day it was, and commands a strange young boy to run into the town square and get a Christmas goose. The boy, terrified, chose not to challenge. This is most likely how most modern traditions have started)

There were no “Merry Christmases” in the Bible. People were just fine having their usual “nice days” in the Bible, as people considered themselves lucky not to be crucified, be caught in the plague, or find their drinking water mysteriously turned to wine.

There were no Christmas carols, carolers, or singers in the Bible. Everyone had lousy voices back then which is why there was only a written account and no book on wax cylinder or opera based on the Bible. Their penmanship was adequate at best.