Hard Times At The Coconut Cafe

Friday, December 5
Thanks to the biscotti craze at the neighboring eatery -- Cruller Emporium -- the Coconut Cafe has fallen on hard times. That means no more frilly toothpicks. No more saran wrap on the lawn chairs. No more cutting the coconuts in half. Indeed, these are grim days. This is the darkest shade humanity has known.

Jeffrey "The King" Sachz, a regular, was reduced to wearing his Hawaiian shirt at half mast. By this I mean he has actually lost enough weight that his mighty Redwood chest forest poked out over the top three buttons. He's actually lost weight. I know they say it's impossible to lose weight as it's the pull of gravity on your mass, and that mass is the only thing you can "lose." This is what you mean when you say someone "lost weight." But I'd venture to guess that he has not only lost weight but also mass, particularly in the brain region. How do I know? He was ranting over a Malibu Rum about how Jesus had several siblings and they played so wonderful games. And he said, "You know how I know? Because I was there."

It is not lost on me that brains are also called coconuts. Now that, I'd say, is crazy.

We're starting to shred reciepts.