Tuesday, October 31, 2006

so this is it

To the observant, yes, I have been drawing most daily for a year now. Thank you for noticing. What a year it's been.

Sunday, October 29, 2006

this is easier than a restraining order

Not all draculas are necessarily wealthy. This is a stereotype from films...most draculas got to work to keep up their sizable mansions or apartments, or RVs. Draculas by their very nature can't work during the day, and the night shift is also impossible cuz they have to be home by sunrise. Many draculas have to work out of the home or coffins stuffing envelopes or earning their keep from other money making schemes. I donno if draculas are in grave danger -- no pun intended -- from a paper cut from envelopes, or if they bleed at all...but they work just like you and me.

Now if you wanna know why the wolfman is always accused of rape...

Friday, October 27, 2006

Figure it out circa 1992 / I JUST bought a brillo pad

verily like sara lee
i will eat crumb cake
and it better taste good

i don't like no coffee
tea is okay in a pinch

it stopped making sense in 1992

I got my chin up
I got my soul down
I keep my food down
I keep my chin up

-- He who could not be named though his mother tried

Thursday, October 26, 2006

i'm kinda just waiting to eat dinner, at this point

I got a pint of blood
And a quart of of Pennzoil
I got a disposable camera
For my ocular lens
The atmosphere is making me tense
I can't finish my dinner
Please wrap it up
I'll take it home with me
It'll be sweet
And It'll be nice
Just come home with me tonight
Dinner, yeah I ate it
It was too much
Bag it up
I'll give it a good home

From Bill O'Reilly to Bilbo Braggins

I read encyclopedias
And fact the checks
I mean check the facts
I cash checks
I get real broke
And got my own bank account
Like a regular person
I ride the bus to work
Rarely if I can help it
I'm a train man
I wear deodorant
Like a regular person
I ain't braggin

people love the new yorker 13

Sunday, October 22, 2006

Thursday, October 19, 2006

i got a list of things to do, screw 'em! this year in reverse was quicker.

that thing you think of when you think of that other thing

oh, you know



I guess sometimes it just feels like my house is not on Earth.

I breathe the air and recognize the atmospheric pressure, though it is just as if I am outside my own head. I am not sure where I am or who these people are. They all know my name. But it's just off.

No one ever understand when I try to communicate this sensation. The trees have talked to me once. A black candle is a powerful thing.


I guess the hardest part of being James Bond's neighbor is when he asks me to take in his mail. I am pretty sure he doesn't work at the milk bottling plant.

I've seen him wear a tuxedo an awful lot, even when it is not courting season. On three separate occasions I have seen three separate ladies from foreign lands steal my newspaper early in the morning.

I don't mind bringing in the mail, or the newspaper thefts, or the noisy sex that renders me groggy enough to spy my paper being snatched away. I even get a vicarious thrill from it. It's the lying I can't stand. I just have a hunch that he's into some sort of international espionage. Some sort of intrigue even. But don't ask me to get your mail for three weeks and expect me to believe you're going to a Milk Man Expo in Brazil, with a layover in Moscow. I saw that postcard from a man calling himself "Q" (and why anyone would voluntarily be known as only a single letter of the alphabet, any why that letter, though that is a topic best left for another discussion). In passing I noticed he wrote that you are not to buckle your belt in the manner he discussed or grave danger may befall you. He also blabbered about something called the "Moonraker." Don't give me a line about some sort of advanced polymer rake to improve the milking fields!

Therefore, I shall continue to bring your mail in while you are away, and ignore the sizable collection of firearms that a milk bottler, or milk man, or whatever you are could need. I shall continue to ignore the blood stained dishes, and simply take solace in the fact that you will buy me a drink when you return from wherever you have been away to. Also I will keep stealing soaps from your bathroom. They are from hotels I have never heard from.

Monday, October 16, 2006

my relationship

My relationship to me is that I'm myself. I take myself to catered events, and for the most part I can't complain. I am recovering from a surgery and I turn into a dragon much less than I used to. Still, it's a living. And you can't beat that. Nope. Not even with a ten foot self beating pole.

I know where you're going with this, so let me just stop you.

For now, on the record.

I will not be turning into a dragon, or a cyber-dragon, or anything of that ilk anytime soon. I don't have the zoning, and it always takes the drywall right out of the frame. It takes the stuffing right ouf of me. Turkey dinner.

--Rocky Valboa!

Sunday, October 15, 2006

Friday, October 13, 2006

people love the new yorker 8

Heart Burn Haven (Heart Loss Heaven)

if the golem rose

If the Golem rose from the mud below
He'd pluck a single rose
From his well sowed rows
And the poses he'd throw

Would make my heart accidentally smile
Then my valves would stop up
Mud would overflow
I'd need a new engine in my body
The car is my body
My buddy, my car

But the body I have is just for now
The mud is forever
Earth of the salt
Salt of the earth
I look around, but all I see is just dirt

And as the exposed light bulb
Swings like a vine in the jungle
I am reminded of a simpler time
The rope feels like slippers for my wrists
I reflect on my former self

And as I grew 1,000 legs
Insides grow out
Rise from my cocoon
And out from the shell
Walks the new me
Dust aside the husk
And watch as I go door to door

My sales are up
It's a good quarter
It's a half dollar
I make the Jello Monster from Brooklyn look like the fucking jackass he ass
And I say to him
"You know what, you are a fucking jackass, you are."

For earth is forever, my golem friend
You may rot in hell but your body is in me
The earth
Soak it up
And think it over
Then I will eat bon bons
And go to the hardware store
I'm learning how keys are made

2 Thumbs Sideways.

Sunday, October 08, 2006

Tuesday, October 03, 2006