Tuesday, June 27, 2006

Septum, Jaw, Deviation

Chemical Concerns and the Author's Spine
As previously not so obliquely alluded to, I will be undergoing surgery on Friday, June 30th at 1:30 PM CST to have a micro disc-ectomy performed on my spine. This will allow for a shinier coat, colder nose, and a penchant for dog snacks. Bacon Bits will not be accepted, and are in fact deplorable.

My love to all and anyone who is reading this. If you care to send me an e-mail or death threat, you can do so at sendmesomedamnemail AT gmail DOT com. Use your mental capacities and please don't send me spam. Slippers or shampoo samples ARE acceptable.

Due To The Storm, Caught Out In The Rain


Some gaps in service have sprung up in the past and may persist in the near future due to a recent injury in the author/artist/chef. My sincere apologies to anyone who may be checking this for some sort of "entertainment" or whatever. Every attempt will be made to keep the project rolling.

Thursday, June 22, 2006

Tuesday, June 20, 2006

Saturday, June 17, 2006


baby wolfman wants to grow up and sing just like pavoritti...sadly the amount of applesauce laced with hallucinogenics we need to jam down his furry throat will render his vocal range not far beyond a gutteral growl. the beast grows continually grumpy, and some light classical music played just under the normal hearing level seems to subdue his anger...i fear he is learning my horrible secret...

Wednesday, June 07, 2006

Monday, June 05, 2006

i don't think enough animals know that i'm probably smarter than them

i don't think enough animals know that i'm probably smarter than them.
when i was a child, and i'd go to the zoo, i would win silent auctions against them.
also i would fill out mad libs with funny words like flying chairs.
animals are too stupid to even answer a riddle.
the parrot is nature's most revolting jester.
they can string together words and make sentences, but they have no measurable IQ whatsoever.
i wouldn't feel sorry if a parrot who lived in my neighborhood fried to death on an open gas range flame.
the notion that we evolved from animals is also poppy cock.
i haven't met a single sane human who goes around throwing their feces.
what sort of problem is that going to solve?
animals have no problem solving skills.
all they do is poop and eat.
who are they fooling?
who are they impressing?
who are the masters?
we are enslaved to these animals.
who's the real master?
we go to work and earn money to buy pets food.
they stay home and nap all day.
and then jump all over you when you get home, need to go outside to engage in their filthy habits.
or we let them squat in our houses in disgusting little plastic boxes, and we have to indulge them in their medieval bed pans.
cats take drugs.
you have to give them laxatives the hard way.
who are we fooling.
and they'll never know that i'm smarter than them.

Soup Doctor

I tell you, they forced me out of town on purpose. This was no accident. They framed me, damned jackals. They forced me right out to Santa Monica to become a proctologist.