cancelled cat checks (turning into monsters)?

SO I CALLED THE BANK AND WASTED EVERY DOLLAR I HAD

THEY SAID IT WAS A GOOD IDEA SO I WENT ALONG WITH IT

FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE I WENT WITHOUT KNOWING WHAT

MARGARINE TASTING LIKE. WHAT WAS IT LIKE? DID I WIN A

CONTEST OR I WAS JUST BORN LUCKY WITH THE CIA IMPLANTING

A SECRET JELLY BEAN INTO MY LEFT MOST INCISOR? IT ISN'T THE K-9,

IT'S THE VAMPIRE FANG TOOTH. IT'S THE ONE THAT MAKES ME BELONG

WITH MY FAMILY. I WAS WILLED THIS TOOTH BY MY GRANDPAPPY, THE

ONE I NEVER MET, HE DIED WHEN I WAS LITTLE. SO I DON'T GET ALL

THE JOKES EVERYONE MAKES WHEN THEY IMITATE HIS VOICE, OH

TO BE YOUNG AND HAVE FLAKES OF SKIN WASH OFF IN THE BATH TUB

EVERY MORNING FACING TOWARDS MECCA. WHICH IS WHAT WE'LL CALL

THE LIBRARY. ONE DAY I WENT TO RETURN AN OVERDUE PARTITION TO

MECCA, AND I HADN'T RUN CHKDSK IN SOME TIME SO MY BRAIN WAS

CLUTTERED UP WITH THOUGHTS OF HOW TO BREAK FREE FROM THE

LOOMING HELICOPTERS AND POORLY KNIT SWEATERS. THEY WERE THAT

KIND OF GIFT GIVING FAMILY, THE ONE YOU'D NEVER OUTGROW BUT CAN

REGROW LIKE A LIZARDS TAIL OR YOUR COCCYX. BUT WHAT I SEE ON THE

TV BOX IS NOTHING BUT RERUNS, STYLISH SOUNDS OF OLD CAR WHEELS

SKIDDING BY ON NOTHING BUT ITS OWN MERIT AND CHARMS. THEY TURN

IT ON WITH THE FLICK OF THE FRUSTRATED KEYS. THEY WERE COPIED

AT ACE HARDWARE AND SOMEWHERE IN THE BACK OF MY MIND I KEEP

HEARING THAT DAMN RINGING TELEPHONE, I THOUGHT I HADN'T PAID

THE PHONE BILL IN A LONG, LONG TIME, BUT MY FAIRY DOGMOTHER

HAD BEEN PAYING AS I WENT, AND FINALLY GOT AN IPASS FOR HER UGLY

ASS ALL TERRAIN VEHICLE. THAT THING GULPS DOWN GAS AND SHE PAYS

FOR IT WITH THE MONEY I DIDN'T GET WHEN THE GOOD DOCTORS YANKED

OUT THE WISDOM FROM THE EVER REACHING END OF MY JAW BONES.