Die, Sucka

.............Last night I dreamed I was going to Wal-Mart with some friends to have an enemy of mine Euthanized. Harry, Dempster, and Lubarb were all there. We haven’t hung out in quite some time, and those aren’t even their real names. But in my dream, it was. I don’t quite know. It was a bunch of people from high school, and we were there to have someone euthanized.

I didn’t feel like watching someone die, though, so I took a nap in the store. My friends apparently propped me up in a shopping cart near the entrance, because when I woke up in the dream, I was there, wearing a hunting jacket and my face was warm with reservoirs of my own drool.

We headed into someones car to drive away, and we had a receipt verifying the humane killing of one of our friends. Maybe he was my enemy.

Suddenly the comic car turned into a boat, and it turned into a comic strip I was reading about cartoon fish sailing the seas in boats. So fish were traveling on the water on boats, not swimming in water.

The first panel had a fish wearing an eye patch singing a song. He had a word bubble with a musical note in it.

And the third panel was vague and I don’t remember it at all. The second panel either.

Suddenly the fish in the first panel was driving a car, and laughing with the fish from the third panel. My brain tried to force the fish back into the comic strip, but it didn’t work at all. The fish were still driving a blue Saturn down a long dark road.

.............When suddenly Jeremy Piven emerged from the back seat and shot the fish in their skulls.

.............The guy from that Ellen show. He hasn’t gotten much work lately. Now he was making a cameo in my dream. Shooting fish. Is it really as easy as people say? Even when they’re driving?

.............The fishes heads exploded, and they turned from cartoon to human size real life things. So white dress shirts -- with fish heads poking out suddenly burst – and got drenched in two geysers of tuna, mayonnaise, and cayenne pepper.

Then my alarm went off.

I keep having the strangest dreams lately.