and they passed us along the backs of their palms as we stared up at the ocean

your enemies will be taking separate cars

lunch in an inappropriate cafe

lunch in an inappropriate cafe:
lunch can have an order when you taste the stew
you've just got to let me know
when they go too far
i swear someone in here got up in the middle of the night and stuffed the toilet full of hamburgers
they smeared the walls with petroleum jelly and lit it on fire
the grease from a toasted cheese sandwich lines the awnings in my eyes
they flicked off the lights and cut the line
now we can't hear anything
but the sound of our own breathing
in an inappropriate cafe
no one could have asked for this
and no one could have deserved this
they stuck the knife in and stuck me with the bill
up with a twist of lemon
that i never want
but they give me all the same
"our specials today include an impossible quesadilla stuffed with a chinchilla meat and a fine wine perfect for napping"
later i awoke and found my wallet was doing a dirty dance with the salsa platter
"i'm never eating here again but first i have to find a way out"
too bad that bear lured me in, flicked the switch and poured meat tenderizer and spaghetti sauce on my own precious alabaster ankles
later i awoke and my legs were stuck in a bear trap and they stuck me with the bill
"i'm never eating here again but maybe i'll have some dessert"
the waitress says it's her favorite and i'm supposed to care apparently
obviously this place used to be a burger king or a wendy's or a hair salon
in either case the chocolate sundae has seen better days and so has my appeal
and they said
and they said
"you've got 18 minutes to live and we've got 36 bad jokes to cram down your intelligence so keep it down"
this is a smoking section and i've lost my zoning
i've lost my appeal and i've lost my appetite
i'm afraid i'm going to need a doggie bag and he will be mad when i get home
if i get home
i am home

path forgot the question and kept on bubbling

how is it fair that you know my name but i don't know yours?
got a caller
got a collar
in the cellar
#1 bestseller
in an avalanche of opinion
and a spring in a fallen step
the fallen arches standing up for themselves
like the romans say
"if you push me i'll fall"


p.s. i swear i didn't get up in the middle of the night and stuff the toilet full with hamburgers.

this revolving door flu has made my pinpoint shadow sick

whether it's a canary in the mine or a stitch in time it doesn't make much difference
wwwhat's it add up to?

a balance to strike

don't point fingers like you're julius advisor

i swallow heart clots
and fake my way through the ink blot test
if you want things to last
you better act fast
this is the start of the page where it hits the center

$$ to donut$$

thanks for the recognition

i feel alive now

alive enough to feel myself breathing

the carpet's wheezing

i inherited a thousand suckers

and am starting a new lollipops for dollars program

what's the rate of exchange, suckas?
AND CAN YOU PLEASE DEFINE KAFKAESQUE?

explosion insurance

where i co me from is getting loose and leady for the heavy

jailer's hat trick

a given name

countdown to the end

Cutting through a potato chain-link fence
You think you know about someone just 'cuz you read their diary
Well quite contrary
Laughing Mary
A goddamned statue out of orbit
And a can of orange juice
Drowning the tuna in the ocean
But it's too late to react
B'e'c'a'u's'e'
You forgot to schedule accordingly

You made a deal with yourself so it's time to cash in

So sopping through the trough and cutting up the chicken fat
You've gone too far just because you read the maps
But you were naked to the gills
And already wasting away
Cooking up a chicken fat sardine dinner
Off the VCR
And you can rewind and watch all your favorite moments
But somewhere in an alley lays a dying little kitty cat
You ever heard of an alley?
The bees told me all about the birds
Bright one early summer morning
Unable to contain what it called emotion
Thoroughly confusing and satisfyingly frustrated

My interests include hobbies and collections

I know the reasons why they talk to me
occupying time
always seems like a great idea to me

28 centuries of that guy

lullabies for disappointing children

except when we wait

opportunistic accidents that's all

something new to say

BEEP BEP I AM HAT ROBOT

a summer invitational to all who think they can take my place

But before I get ahead of myself I have to find the bottom of my feet. They're usually down there, and this is no exception. Still, help me look. These things don't find themselves, and it's for that very reason that I must do that dance. If werewolves taught me manners, surely you'd think they'd teach me how to make my bed. But no, they were never around in the morning. You know, since some people are raised by wolves. Well, these are werewolves. My momma dug a hole in the snow and when I awoke, Crispy the tall werewolf told me to consider him my best friend or he'd chew my demons away. Well, I don't care much for my demons. They don't invite me out to dinner afterwards, plus they sure as heck don't leave a tip.




Brother, I am alive. Are you?

If there’s smooth and chunky peanut butter, why isn’t there chunky jazz?

Right. & What do you do with your free time?

Anyone speak horse code?

Well, well, well:
http://www.medpagetoday.com/Columns/8138
Looks like my old boy Dracula's in the news again. Is it a complete coincidence that when there's nothing interesting going on in the world, Dracula pops up in our national headlines? Or maybe, and more correctly, D-man lets the world's events grow more and more boring, then he chooses to leap into the spotlight, and dance to our national content. That's what I'd like to believe. Especially since he won't ever return my phone calls.

I just assume he's out baking cookies or doing other things that make my heart sing. But here's betting that Cafe Dracula didn't have no Dracula patties when l'il Drac was a scant four years old!

My lumps my lumps my lovely lady lumps is a PSA about getting mammograms