100 Apologies (One hundred things to be sorry for)

1. Sorry to that cop for shooting him, then driving him in my car to my home to cut his face off, presumably so he cannot be identified later
   
2. Sorry for not using the metric system
3. Sorry for not calling you back
4. Sorry for all the apologies
5. Sorry for my ugly face
6. Sorrier for your uglier face
7. Sorry for not raking the leaves and instead staying inside all day, eating corn chips. Okay, not corn chips but the disgusting chip dust that accumulates near the bottom of the bag. Okay, not near the bottom of the bag, but in the actual bottom of the bag.
8. Sorry for being late
9. Sorry for being late to my own arraignment, your Honor
10. Sorry for stringing together long lists and pointless sentences that go no where
11. Sorry for my offensive birthmark
12. Sorry for my overly polite birthmark
13. Sorry for growing up in a non-Sega Genesis household
14. Sorry for single-handedly depreciating the value of whatever the currency is in Denmark
15. Sorry for not knowing offhand the currency of Denmark
    
16. Sorry for shaving my mother's only successful moustache
17. Sorry that her moustache was far better than any one I could ever grow
18. Sorry for copping that 'tude
19. Sorry for my waxy skeleton not shining enough to light your way home
20. Sorry for gumming up the works, in general
21. Sorry for airing my laundry publicly
22. Sorry for not getting that country's democracy going
23. Sorry for not being able to __________
24. Sorry for my allergies
    
25. Sorry for my $2 haircut
26. Sorry for being like a moth to the flame, and all that that might entail
27. Sorry for slicking up the oceans
28. Sorry for ruining those moments that one time
29. Sorry for not keeping the roads safe
30. Sorry for nickel and diming my own time, every time
31. Sorry for not looking my best, even when I do
32. Sorry for the mess
33. Sorry for the stream of consciousness ruining your living room
34. Sorry for urinating in your sink while you were sleeping
35. Sorry for airing my grievances
36. Sorry for that list of dumb things I gotta do being so dumb
37. Sorry for wrinkling the skyline
38. Sorry for really moving
39. Sorry for talking when I really meant to speak
40. Sorry for running my mouth
41. Sorry for shutting everyone up
42. Sorry for the baby screams
43. Sorry for filling the baby's mouth with hair
44. Sorry for being so bored
45. Sorry for finishing what I start