Man oh man Manwich is a bitchin' meal

I once had a job folding paper. It was the hardest job I've had yet. Every morning at 3pm, I'd rise from bed and go to my office and shove 37 calico cats off and really get down to brass tacks.

At 3:07pm I'd need a break to stretch my legs and imagination so I'd go back to the bathroom, which was recently flooded, and pack the toilets (and later, with some luck, the oceans) with gauze. If it weren't for the lack of teeth in the toilet, I'd feel like a dentist. But then I'd feel like a total goof for dropping out of dental school. I didn't even enroll, but it didn't take me long to drop out.

The entrance exam was too hard to take. They were offering at the local junior high and I was unfamiliar with the layout and by the time I finally woke up at 3:10pm I remember I never even wanted to go to dental school.

I swept the blood under the rug and went back to my desk. Okay, 3:11pm, time for work. Really, really work. Work, that's a funny word. Where were those cats? No time to worry. Alright, time to get this shipment of Fuddelden-319b forms ready to be shipped to the origami plant down in Idaho. Potatoes? Do they have potatoes there? In Idaho? I will tweak every third crane's head slightly askew, as if looking out at a never ending field of Russet potatoes, thinking to itself, "Yeah, I could settle down here. Settle." Settle, as if to say, "Yeah, this is good enough for the rest of my life."

Personally, I think it'd be dangerous for a paper crane to live in a potato field. What if it rains? What if the crops become infested? What if potatoes, despite having eyes, don't feel like making eye contact with a paper crane. They're not good listeners, and it has nothing to do with them not having ears. They just choose not to.

Once I had a problem with neighbors. They trapped a raccoon in their garbage can and climbed on top of their car, poised to attack with a shot gun. As if that was an even fight.

Man, it's hot in here.

This sweat is ruining this entire batch of rose creme tinged paper cranes. What the hell do they need with 1,000 paper cranes? Well, they're out of luck here. That's all I know. Someone get 37 calico cats on my desk, prontoburgers. It's nearly 3:18pm, and I don't see any cats in here. Call my kid up, take him out of school, dress him up like a cat, and I'll bamboozle him with the dust buster.

I've never seen dust be busted, though I've seen it sucked into a handheld vacuum.

One thing I've never seen is a paper crane towing a steel truck.

I forget what else I've seen but I need a new job.