Untitled #601

Thing I should probably apologize for but won't:

1. Posting "Have you seen my god?" flyers all over town
2. The previous item, but hanging said flyers without accurate contact information (I left my phone number and e-mail address off, due to a "printer's error."
3. Swatting at the neon buzzing flies that are always overhead
4. Listing the order of meals in a day as such:

a. Breakfast
b. Lunch
c. Dinner
d. Dessert
e. Midnight Snack
f. 5AM Feeding
g. 6:30 AM Feeding Frenzy
h. 6:50 AM Slop Bucket Bonanza
i. 6:55 AM Lobster Bib Change of the Guard

5. Pointing out to people when they're trying too hard
6. Laughing at your haikus (the ones you didn't intend to be funny)
7. Acting all like I want to use the Metric system (I don't.)
8. Coining the phrase "smokestack sausages"
9. Making pointless lists